Crash and Burn
by Ironic-Sarcasm
Summary: His mother insists he goes back to the psychiatrist, but he really doesn't think it's that serious. He's been getting better since he's returned home, right? Right? Psychological Drama. Hints of SoraxKairi


Took another year to upload a fanfiction. It might just be, you know, a once a year thing. But I really want to upload a Van/Ven story soon. I've come to love that pairing so much. =p

Anyways, my friend Hannah and I were roleplaying and it started post-KHII. A piece of the dialogue was something like they were discussing Riku and how he was getting better after the fact and when Kairi asks Sora how he's doing, he says, "Well, I can say I'd like to stay home for a while. Sometimes it feels like it's not over yet... Like right now I'm in a dream and I'll wake up, to someone telling me I have to go fight more Heartless. ... It's not, right?" All with a smile. And Kairi then asks him if his mother making him was seeing a psychiatrist. And the idea spawned from there: What psychological issues would Sora develop after the whole saving the universe thing is all said and done?

I just had to write it. It probably would be better if I were taking a Psychology class rather then a Sociology class. xD

_Black Swan_ was an amazing inspiration for this.

So, here we are!

Crash and Burn

"Sora, wake up."

His eyes snapped open. He stumbled quickly out of bed, briefly tangling himself in his sheets before kicking them away and looking towards his friend.

"Where are they—" No… his friend wasn't there. It was only his mother. Donald _hadn't_ woken him up to tell him Heartless were attacking the ship. It was his mother, waking him up for school.

She stood in the doorway, knowing the signs. The way he woke up… it wasn't the first time. Sora was never like this. He would always sleep through he wake up calls and occasionally resort to a cup of water to wake him up. She knew it wasn't a sign of growing up.

Would you call it trauma? After two years of defending the universe from darkness… was this trauma? Or habit? Sora didn't even know.

He dropped his guard. His mother fidgeted. "I'm making another appointment with Dr. Gerad."

"What? No, mom, I don't—"

"You _do_. I heard you, Sora. Your nightmares are out of control. I know counseling will help."

"It's been almost a _year_ now since I came home. I'm getting better. I don't need the help."

"Get ready for school, you're going to be late." She turned and left him alone in his room. He looked around and started getting dressed.

He didn't need the help. And he _was_ getting better. In the beginning, he would jump at his own shadow. He became _terrified_ of the dark. Because that was when it was hardest to see the Heartless. Only their glowing yellow eyes could be seen. He would sleep with his lights on. And when they were turned off, his body somehow knew and he would jump out of bed, ready to attack a threat that wasn't even there.

But… what did she mean by she heard him? Did he say something in his sleep? Did he thrash around in the bed loudly? Did he scream?

The dreams and the nightmares started to occur a few months after returning home. His mind was so used to having to fight… having to protect… having to protect the lives of others along with his own. His mind couldn't handle the break. It was constantly on guard. It created it's own scenarios in his dreams. It could never relax. It always had to be defending.

His psychiatrist, Dr. Gerad, explained this to him. Sora didn't quite understand it, but what he did know was that he was glad the worse case scenario for this sort of thing hasn't happened to him. Dr. Gerad mentioned some people even hallucinate, especially after something extremely traumatic. No, he wasn't seeing things.

He glanced in his mirror over his desk to fix his hair and froze. For a moment, his hair looked blonde… no, it was probably just a trick of the light. Sora combed his fingers through his hair in an attempt to flatten it. No good. Well… whatever.

He slung his bag over his shoulder, grabbed a slice of toast and headed off for school. He really wished he didn't need it. His mother was insisting that she didn't care that Donald and Goofy were helping him to keep up with his education; she wanted him to get into a good college and make something of himself. But what was he supposed to do? Sure, he was passing all of his classes. Rather too easily, actually. But he wasn't really _good_ at anything… Well, he was good at fighting. But how would that apply to the real world? … The real would wouldn't be there if he hadn't fought to protect it.

Sora. Just stop thinking. Now.

"Sora!" The brunette turned at the sound of his name and grinned at his best friend as he walked up to him. "Did you finish your math homework?"

"… We had math homework?" Sora asked. Curse homework. His greatest enemy.

"… You didn't do it, did you?"

Sora laughed. "I'll just do it in homeroom."

Riku looked completely serious. "Sora. You'll never be able to finish it. I stayed up until two o'clock working on it last night. And haven't even finished it."

"I'll get what I can done. No worries."

Riku sighed and shook his head. "Alright. Whatever you say. Just don't cry to me when you can't hand it in."

School was never important to Sora. If he had a choice, he would have _not_ gone. But his mother wanted him to go. She had even taken all of the munny he made in the last two year—well, all that was left over after constantly buying better weapons and items, which was still a good sum in the end—and put all of it into his bank, where he could not reach. She said it would pay off all four years of college. She was so proud he made as much as he did.

But _college_ was never his plan. Sora didn't have a _plan_. He never thought about his future. It was like a huge empty void. Maybe he thought he would never grow up. Or maybe he just thought he'd be a fisherman like his dad or something. He couldn't imagine actually in a working field. Like business or anything. It was almost laughable, actually. He couldn't even imagine himself in a suit, sitting in a cubical and working from a computer. No, it wasn't almost laughable—it was completely laughable.

No, college wasn't in the plan. That munny would go to his own home where he would live and raise a family. Being a fisherman—like his dad. You didn't need college for that.

So why did he even bother with high school? To look credible, he guessed.

In school, he met with Kairi and they exchanged quick greetings—a hug and a kiss on the lips—before heading to homeroom, hand in hand. As promised, in homeroom, his math homework was done quickly and efficiently. The equations were drilled into his head by a psychotic duck on the way to Hollow Bastion—er, Radiant Garden—at one point in time. Gummi travel was the opportune time to learn, Donald would say. Education was important. He couldn't fall behind.

No, he was ahead.

As Sora closed his notebook and the announcements were blaring over the intercom, Riku looked over his shoulder and snorted.

"Give up?"

"As if. I'm done." Sora said as he leaned back in his chair to get comfortable.

There was a pause. "No way, liar. Let me see."

Sora opened to the page and handed it to him. "Here you go. You can copy if you want."

"No way, they're probably—… they're right."

"You can copy if you like." Sora reiterated with a smirk.

"I _really_ hate you. You know that right?"

"Sure."

And, as usual, school went on without interest. Lunch was the best part of Sora's day. He sat on the roof with his best friends as they ate. Kairi tended to the plants that grew as part of her gardening club. Riku would joke around. Sora would laugh. It was like this every day. And it was the same as before their adventure.

Sora hated that. Normalcy was just… strange. It felt weird. But it didn't seem to faze Riku or Kairi. In fact, they embraced it. Riku sighed and made a comment for the hundred-thousandth time about how he was glad to be home. Kairi happily agreed and Sora nodded.

"Yeah." He said. The word felt hollow. There was no meaning behind it. Because, while it was true he was glad that he was home, he couldn't stand that it was like those two years never happened. That _this world_ didn't seem effected in _any_ way at all.

The bell rang. Lunch was over. Back to work. Kairi put her gardening supplies away and the three of them headed back to class. When school was over, the three of them met at the entrance. Kairi had no club activities today. But Riku had to go home. His mother wanted him to help rearrange furniture or something. She was starting to get into the art of Feng Shui, he said. He was slightly scared, he said. Sora and Kairi wished him luck.

The two of them linked arms and walked to the beach.

"Want to go to the island?" Sora asked. Kairi thought for a moment.

"No, not today. Selphie said she and the boys were going. I love them all to death, but I'd rather not get pelted with blitz balls."

Sora chuckled. "Got it." As they reached the shore, the two of them looked at the play island. They could see Tidus and Wakka at it already and Selphie shouting at them, cheering them or scolding them, Sora couldn't tell.

He looked to Kairi. The girl he loved and has always loved. He remembered when he first kissed her. Once they got back, as soon as they were alone, he didn't even remember what they where talking about, he just knew he wanted to kiss her. So, without thinking about consequences, he did. He wasn't only surprised when she kissed him back he was pleased. Thing wouldn't be awkward between them. He was the hero that got the girl in the end.

From that point, he thought things would be happily ever after. For the most part, it was. At least, that's how it looked on the outside.

Sora rolled up his pants and took off his socks and shoes as Kairi pulled off her own. They set them by a palm tree before wading into the water, the cold tide washing over them. Peace. Tranquility. It seemed so… off.

"Riku's gotten better, don't you think?" Kairi asked suddenly. Sora looked at her and she beamed at him. "He's… happier. Probably the happiest I've ever seen him."

"Yeah… he is." Sora had to agree because it was true. Riku always had sort of a bitter attitude. Now, he was always fooling around. Smiling. But he had also matured incredibly. Sora was glad to see him this way.

Kairi beamed at him, then looked down, a looking a little confused. Or rather… conflicted. "Sora… have you ever… never mind." She shook her head and walked a little quicker. He jogged to catch up with her.

"Have I ever what? Tell me."

Kairi frowned and looked to him, then shyly away. "Have you ever…" she said in the smallest voice possible. So small, Sora had to strain to hear. "Have you ever heard Roxas?" She shook her head and covered her face. "Oh, please forget I just said that. It sounds crazy, I know."

"Actually…" Sora started just as quietly, "I have."

Kairi looked to Sora, almost skeptically, but when she saw the sincerity in his expression, she sighed with relief. "Oh, thank God. I'm not crazy then?"

Sora laughed. "No, you're not. Well, you _might_ be if you're hearing Roxas. You don't want to hear him, he's a jerk."

Kairi laughed and grabbed Sora's hands in both of hers. "It happened the other day. I heard Naminé. It was really quiet, but I heard her. I thought I was hearing things and tried to brush it off, but it kept nagging at me. She said 'I'm glad you're happy.' And she sounded to sincere. So grateful. Like she could feel my happiness too, like it was her own. I mean, sometime I dream about her but I've never actually heard her voice while I was conscious."

He looked to her. She…she didn't hear Naminé on a regular basis? He had been talking to Roxas every now and again, full conversations. Maybe Naminé's will wasn't strong enough or something. Maybe soon, though, Kairi will be able to talk to Naminé like he talks to Roxas and then Sora can tell Kairi all the things Roxas had wanted to tell Naminé. And they could make up for the time Roxas wished he could have spent with her. He hoped Naminé would get strong enough to talk to Kairi more. When that day comes... He could feel Roxas's anticipation.

"What about you? How are you doing, hero?" she asked, looking sincerely into his eyes "Are the dreams getting better?"

He wished he could find a way to truthfully answer her. He didn't know… he didn't remember his dreams like his used to. They were always so vivid. Now, he couldn't remember them, so he figured he was getting better. But… what his mother said this morning.

"I… I don't know." It was the truth. "Mom thinks I need to go back to see Dr. Gerad."

Kairi frowned. "Do _you_ think you need to?"

"I thought I was getting better, Kairi. I really did. I can't remember my dreams, so I thought they stopped. And I'm not jumping at everything anymore. So, I figured I was getting better."

"Sure, you're getting better, but that doesn't make the situation completely in your control. If you think, even for a little, that there's something out of your control, please… please go back."

He didn't understand. "You mean, like my darkness? If that gets out of control, I don't think he'll be able to help me."

The red head gave a distressed sigh. "No. I mean in your head. I know you can keep your darkness at bay." She took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. "But… if you feel like something going to get you or something is following you or something unreasonable might hurt you… please go back."

No… he didn't feel that way. He was completely safe here. Sure, he darkness had consumed this world once, but it was safe now. The universe was safe. There was no more need to fear Heartless. He made sure of that.

Then why was there a Shadow slinking down the beach?

His eyes widened and he stepped back. No, this couldn't be happening. Not again. There wasn't supposed to be any Heartless. He looked to Kairi, then looked back to the Shadow and quickly summoned his Keyblade, running after it.

"Sora? Sora, what are you doing? Come back!" Kairi ran after him. "Sora, stop!"

The blood pumping in his ears drowned her voice. Adrenaline rushed through his veins. This Heartless… it wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be done.

When did they get so fast?

He stopped between a pair of palm trees where the Shadow looked up at him with large golden orbs and he raised his blade. Suddenly, arms wrapped around him.

"Sora, stop! Please, just stop! You'll kill it!"

"Of course I'm going to kill it! It's a Shad—" his voice died when he looked back at the Heartless and there stood a black cat. Gazing up at him with gold eyes and flicking its tail. He mewled and jumped into a tree before scaling it.

The blade slipped from his grasp and fell into the sand with a light _thunk_ and Sora dropped to his knees. Kairi was in front of him and holding his face.

"Sora… Sora, talk to me. Say something." She hugged him around the neck. "It's okay… It's okay, Sora." Why was she comforting him? And why was his face wet?

"Kairi… do you think I need to see Dr. Gerad?"

He was responded with a choked sob and a tear-stained shoulder.


End file.
